I was isolated, hopeless and terrified when I made the call. I was simply desperate, but nothing felt simple about my desperation. Every day something else seemed to fall apart. The only thing that was predictable was my husband's drinking.
I felt like I was living in the bottom of a very dark well; the water was rising, and I couldn't find a reliable handhold on the slippery walls. Begging, pleading, threats, silence, tense talks and loud arguments. Bone-shaking anger, panic attacks, dread, endless worrying and secrecy. I was hanging on by my fingernails.
A close friend said, "What about Hazelden Betty Ford?" My husband resisted: "We can't afford that." Behind his answer was fear and stigma. "I can't miss work." Behind his defense was denial. A few months later, our 21-year-old daughter told her dad she would not come home until he got help. That's when my husband asked me to make that first call.
When I made the call, I had no idea that I was about to address my own illness. I quickly learned that substance use disorder is a physical and family disease. My husband entered Hazelden Betty Ford's Intensive Outpatient Program, and I attended an online weekend program for families.
I met amazing counselors and a group of people, from all walks of life, who have two important things in common: We love someone who is sick, and we want to help. Together, we learned about the science of the disease. This was the first time I encountered the idea that I didn't need to fix my husband, and in fact, I couldn't. He could work his own program, and I could begin to take care of myself.
Hazelden Betty Ford taught me that I didn't cause the disease, I can't control it and I can't cure it. Things began to make more sense; there was more order than chaos. By the time my husband graduated from IOP, I had my own support group and a growing circle of recovery friends to connect with every day.
Today my husband and I continue to support our individual recovery with caring Hazelden Betty Ford counselors. My husband and I also see a counselor together, who is helping us transform our marriage of 27 years. Most importantly, she has helped us grow the courage to choose love over fear each and every day. We have a new way forward.
I'm pretty sure Hazelden Betty Ford helped me save my own life. The team recognized that everyone in our family needed intervention.
Hazelden Betty Ford also recognized that financial stress can be crippling when you're in crisis. With two kids in college and a high insurance deductible, we were definitely stressed. Not only did Hazelden Betty Ford help us with a holistic approach to recovery, but they also came through with a partial scholarship for my husband, and a terrific payment plan to help us manage our finances during this important time. We are very grateful to the Hazelden Betty Ford team and the generous donors who make change and hope possible for families like ours.
With courage, love and gratitude,
Marlais
