When the Holidays Hurt: Four Tips for Parents of Teens with Addiction

The holidays can magnify everything—especially the ache of watching your teen or young adult struggle with addiction. Maybe you're decorating a tree while wondering if your child will come home, or if they'll come home high. Maybe you're fielding questions from relatives who don't know what's really going on. Or maybe you're just trying to hold it together at work while your heart is breaking.

This season can bring up memories of who your teen used to be and hopes for who they might become. It can also shine a harsh light on what's missing—like trust, connection and peace.

At Hazelden Betty Ford, we've walked alongside generations of parents navigating this kind of pain. These four tips are designed to help you move through the holidays with more clarity, compassion and strength.

1. Refocus the Holidays around What Feels Real

Trying to recreate the holidays from before addiction entered your family's life can lead to frustration and heartache. Traditions that once brought comfort may now feel hollow or overwhelming.

Give yourself permission to shift the lens this year. Ask yourself: What would feel grounding—not just festive? Consider: 

• Having a smaller gathering with people who understand your situation
• Taking a quiet day at home without pressure to perform or explain
• Skipping certain events altogether if they feel too heavy

2. Clarify Your Boundaries

When addiction is in the picture, boundaries become essential. They help you protect your emotional health and reduce the chaos that comes with substance abuse.

If your teen/young adult is using, you get to decide what behaviors are acceptable in your home. If they're in recovery, you can still set limits around topics, guests and expectations. Try this: "We'd love to see you, but only if you're sober. If that's not possible, we'll need to get together at another time."

Boundaries aren't about shutting your teen out. Boundaries allow you to create the space you need for emotional safety, honesty and healing.

3. Let Grief and Hope Coexist

The holidays tend to turn up the emotional volume. You might feel deep sadness for the child you used to know, anxiety about where they are now, or fear about what the future holds. You may be holding onto memories of joyful holidays past while quietly bracing for what this year could bring. These emotions don't need to be hidden or pushed aside. They deserve acknowledgment and compassion. Consider:

• Lighting a candle for your teen before dinner, as a quiet way to hold them close.
• Writing a short note to yourself about what you're proud of surviving.
• Talking openly with a trusted friend instead of pretending everything's fine.

Helpful practice: Jot down what you're feeling, without editing or judging it. Let the page hold what your heart is carrying. This can help you process emotions and reconnect with your own strength.

4. Focus on Support That Strengthens You

Whether your teen/young adult is in active addiction or early recovery, your well-being matters too. The emotional weight of this season can be heavy, and you deserve support that helps you stay steady.

Hazelden Betty Ford offers virtual and in-person family programs, coaching, and mental health services designed specifically for parents and caregivers. You'll find expert guidance, practical tools and a community that understands what you're carrying.

This Season, Bring the Focus Back to What You Can Do

Addiction is a complex medical condition that affects the brain, behavior and relationships. As a parent, you can't "fix it" on your own. But you can take steps to support your teen's health and protect your own well-being.

That might mean setting boundaries that reduce chaos, finding moments of calm in your day, or connecting with professionals who understand what your family is going through.

At Hazelden Betty Ford's Center for Teens, Young Adults and Families, our experts specialize in adolescent behavioral health and family healing. We're here to help—during the holidays and beyond.