Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA)

If you grew up in a home shaped by addiction, you most likely feel the impact as an adult, even if you've built a life for yourself that looks very different. The emotional patterns and coping strategies from childhood don't just disappear with age. These formative experiences can show up in your relationships, your work life or your parenting approach—essentially, in how you see yourself.

You might carry these experiences quietly for years, unsure how to name them or whether they even matter. They do.

At Hazelden Betty Ford, we understand the lasting effects of growing up with parents who struggle with substance use disorder. Whether you're just starting to explore this part of your story or you've been trying to make sense of it for a while, discover how the right help and support can bring clarity and healing.

What Does It Mean to Be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA)?

Being an adult child of an alcoholic means you grew up in a home where substance use disorder shaped your emotional world. What does that look like? You may have learned to walk on eggshells, take care of others before yourself or hide your feelings to keep the peace.

While these strategies helped you cope in a difficult environment, they can make adulthood harder than it needs to be.

Common ACoA traits include

• People-pleasing and approval-seeking
• Fear of conflict or abandonment
• Difficulty trusting others
• Perfectionism and harsh self-criticism
• Feeling "different" or disconnected
• Trouble expressing emotions
• Impulsive decisions or over-control
• Isolation or fear of intimacy

These patterns aren't personality flaws. They're responses to chaos, neglect or emotional absence during childhood.

How Does Growing Up with Alcoholic Parents Affect You?

Children of parents with alcohol/drug addiction are raised in unpredictable environments. For example, you may have experienced

• Shame, secrecy or denial
• "Parentification" (feeling responsible for other family members)
• Emotional neglect or inconsistency
• A lack of a sense of safety or stability

Growing up in that environment can lead to anxiety, depression, relationship struggles and even substance use in adulthood.

Explore how addiction affects family dynamics.

Can ACoA Traits Be Effectively Managed?

Yes. Healing begins when you recognize where these patterns come from and understand they're not your fault.

Support groups like ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and therapy can help you step off the path shaped by your childhood coping experiences and discover new ways forward for your personal growth and emotional freedom.

With guidance and support, you can learn to

• Reconnect with your emotions.
• Set boundaries that protect your peace.
• Build trust and intimacy in relationships.
• Let go of guilt and shame.
• Develop self-compassion and confidence.

Learn how alcohol affects emotional development and brain function.

Frequently Asked Questions about ACoA

What are the most common ACoA traits?
Traits often include people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, difficulty with trust, perfectionism, emotional suppression and impulsivity.

Can adult children of alcoholics develop substance use issues?
Yes. Some ACoAs turn to alcohol/drugs to cope with unresolved trauma or emotional pain. Others may develop codependency or compulsive behaviors.

Is therapy helpful for ACoAs?
Absolutely. Therapy can help you understand your past, break unhealthy patterns and build emotional resilience. Many ACoAs benefit from trauma-informed care and support groups.

Support That Honors Your Experience

Whether you're just beginning to unpack your story or you've been trying to heal for years, you deserve support that meets you with compassion and expertise.

At Hazelden Betty Ford, we've helped generations of adult children of alcoholics find clarity, connection and healing. Our care is grounded in science, empathy and decades of experience.

If these traits or experiences feel familiar, you may be wondering what healing could look like for you. At Hazelden Betty Ford, we offer trauma-informed care and support tailored to adult children of alcoholics.

Call now to speak confidentially with a recovery expert and explore your next step forward. You don't have to keep carrying this alone. We're here with help and support.