Adult Children of Alcoholics

For many adult children of parents with alcohol use disorder (ACoA), childhood experiences can continue to influence adult life—shaping emotional expression, trust, responses to conflict and self-care. These patterns often begin as protective ways to stay safe and may still affect you today.

If you identify as an adult child of someone with alcohol use disorder or come from a family impacted by addiction, healing is possible. At Hazelden Betty Ford, we emphasize connection, compassion and collaborative care, supporting each family member in healing in ways that feel safe, empowering and aligned with their well-being.

Healing for family members can begin regardless of whether a loved one seeks treatment. Explore care and support for families. 

What Does It Mean to Be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic?

When a parent struggles with alcohol use disorder, the emotional tone of your home can shift. Days may have felt unpredictable, inconsistent or emotionally distant. Growing up in that environment, you may have learned ways to adapt, such as:

• Walking on emotional eggshells
• Putting others' needs before your own
• Hiding or downplaying your feelings
• Tracking the emotional cues of adults
• Staying alert for signs of conflict or instability

Common Patterns Adult Children of Alcoholics May Experience

While everyone's story is unique, many adult children share emotional or relational patterns shaped by how they learned to cope in childhood. Research and clinical experience suggest that common patterns may include:

• People pleasing or approval seeking
• Fear of conflict or abandonment 
• Trouble trusting others
• Harsh self criticism or perfectionism 
• Feeling "different" or disconnected
• Difficulty expressing emotions
• Either impulsivity or over-control
• Isolation or fear of intimacy

These patterns are not personal failings. They are adaptive responses to living in environments that may have included inconsistency, secrecy or emotional unpredictability.

Many adult children also develop strengths such as empathy, awareness of others and strong problem-solving skills, qualities that can support healing and growth.

Learn how alcohol affects emotional development and brain function.

How Alcohol Use Disorder Affects the Family

Families affected by substance use disorders may experience silence, denial, unmet emotional needs or "parentification"—when children take on adult responsibilities earlier than expected. Growing up in these environments can contribute to anxiety, depression, relationship challenges or substance use later in life.

The past doesn't magically disappear, but with understanding and support, its impact can soften and healing can begin.

Healing Happens in Connection

At Hazelden Betty Ford, our approach to family healing is grounded in the belief that relationships can be central to recovery for everyone. We focus on creating emotionally safe, compassionate spaces where families can explore, repair and renew connection at a pace that feels right and safe for them.

Our trauma-informed and evidence-based family support—including approaches like CRAFT and motivational interviewing— helps adult children rebuild safety and trust in relationships and develop healthier ways of relating.

Families Are Partners in Recovery

Adult children often hold stories of both pain and resilience, and both deserve space to be understood.

Our family programs and services support:

• Emotionally safe conversations
• Tools for building trust
• Skills for communicating needs
• Understanding the science of substance use and recovery
• Moving from past survival strategies toward present day well-being

What Does Healing Look Like for Adult Children of Alcoholics?

As you explore what healing means for you, these approaches may be helpful:

• Therapy or counseling that explores relational wounds and identity development
• Support groups such as ACoA meetings, where shared experiences build connection and reduce shame
• Mind-body and trauma-informed practices that rebuild a sense of safety
• Relearning emotional expression in ways that feel authentic and supported
• Reconnecting with family members when it feels safe and aligned with your well-being through new communication patterns
• Gently shifting patterns of silence that may have once helped you cope but may no longer serve you

Frequently Asked Questions about ACoA

• What are the most common ACoA traits?
  Patterns may include people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, difficulty with trust, perfectionism, emotional suppression and impulsivity.
• Can adult children of alcoholics develop substance use issues?
  Yes. Some adult children may turn to substances or other coping strategies to manage unresolved pain or stress. Others may develop patterns of over-responsibility in relationships or other compulsive coping behaviors.
• Is therapy helpful for ACoAs?
  Absolutely. Therapy can help you understand your past, break unhealthy patterns and build emotional resilience. Many ACoAs benefit from trauma-informed care and support groups.

You Deserve Recovery Too

Our services and resources for families affirm that your healing matters, even if your parent or loved one never seeks treatment. Family recovery may focus on:

• Reducing shame
• Building healthier relational patterns
• Understanding the "why" behind substance use and its impact on families
• Strengthening boundaries that don't cut connection
• Restoring hope, compassion and possibility

Support That Honors Your Experience

Whether you're just beginning to unpack your story or you've been trying to heal for years, you deserve support that meets you with compassion and expertise.

At Hazelden Betty Ford, we've helped generations of adult children of alcoholics find clarity, connection and healing. Our care is grounded in science, empathy and decades of experience supporting individuals and families. 

Family members can participate in services whether or not their loved one is in treatment. Many of our services are available virtually and our in-person programs may be located nearby if you live in California, Colorado, Florida, Illinois, Minnesota, Oregon, New York, Washington or Wisconsin. 

Call us today to speak confidentially with a recovery expert. We're here with help and support.