Center City, Minn. (Dec. 23, 2019) – The season of joy, wonder and anxiety has descended. From travel complications, busy schedules and family obligations to the omnipresence of alcohol, the dissonance between holiday expectations and the reality of our lives can create added stress, and as a national leader in addiction treatment, education and advocacy, the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation knows that kind of stress can return people to drinking or using other substances.
"It's an anxious time for everyone, but especially those early in recovery who have not yet established a new tradition of celebrating without substances," said Kim Albers, director of recovery management at Hazelden Betty Ford. She added, "The U.S. remains in the worst addiction crisis we've ever seen, and this is a particularly tough time for people in the midst of active addiction, too. While New Year's resolutions are made with the utmost optimism, more than good intentions are necessary to establish and sustain healthy recovery."
At its 15 clinical sites around the U.S., Hazelden Betty Ford often sees an increase in readmission rates during the last two months of the year—spurred by factors such as the strain of the holidays, insurance deductibles, and the promise of the New Year—followed by an increase in overall admissions after the holidays.
Albers noted that, for some, seeing family can pose recovery challenges—while for others, seeing family is helpful. "Every person and situation is different. What's important is that people in recovery be honest with themselves about what situations may pose the greatest risks, talk with supportive others ahead of time, and ultimately do their best to avoid or minimize the identified risks," she explained.
Holiday travel can mean spending time away from recovery support systems and sober routines, which can posed added risks.
"For people in recovery, we recommend practicing radical self-care: to celebrate the holiday season and the fullness of your sober life by prioritizing your own needs," said Albers, adding that proper nutrition, exercise and sleep can do wonders. "The better we feel physically, the stronger we are emotionally. Nourishing the spirit is helpful, too—through personal reflection and connection with others, maybe a few minutes of quiet time each day for relaxation and meditation, and perhaps some service work."
"If you're someone who has experienced addiction, staying sober is the most important thing you can do to have an enjoyable and safe holiday this year," remarked Tessa Voss, executive director of the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, a part of the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. "Develop a plan to protect your recovery ahead of any holiday event and activity, whether that means going to a Twelve Step meeting before or afterward, attending the festivities with your sponsor or a sober friend, or making sure you can leave the gathering at any time and are not dependent on someone else for transportation. Your plan to stay sober could also include ‘bookending' the event with before-and-after telephone calls to someone in recovery; texting supportive people if you are feeling alone; or making sure you have fun non-alcoholic drinks."
Alternatively, if an event is weighing especially heavy on your mind, Voss said, "Don't go. Empower yourself to limit your time in stressful situations or around difficult people—focusing on the people and places that lift your spirit is what makes the holidays special and memorable."
Like addiction, holiday stress impacts everyone
For those who have loved ones in recovery or in active addiction, Hazelden Betty Ford's Center City Family Program Director Anita Bont offered this: "Prioritize your own self-care. We can't change or control others, but often taking care of ourselves and modeling healthy behaviors has a positive effect on those around us."
Bont advised asking loved ones what they need to feel supported, and allowing them to make their own choices around participation in holiday activities without imposing guilt or expectations. Additionally, consider making holiday gatherings substance-free to create a safe environment and support a loved one in early recovery.
Jerry Moe, national director of the Hazelden Betty Ford Children's Program, suggests that adults and kids do some self-care together before they get involved in any holiday event that might be stressful—which might look like doing a craft project together, taking a walk in the evening to enjoy festive lights and decorations, or enjoying hot chocolate while reading a favorite story. "Sometimes grown-ups can be so stressed out because the ghosts of holidays past rear their ugly heads," Moe said. "Just wait a minute: spend some time with the kids; remember what's really important."
Planning ahead is important for children, too, Moe said. "Remember they're kids, not mini-adults. But treat them with dignity and respect. Elementary-aged kids are going to know what the stressors are. Just talk about it—‘If Grandpa's going to start drinking, here's what we're going to do; here's who the safe person is.' Kids feel comforted when they know there's a plan ahead of time, so they don't panic."
Moe points out to remind children that if there's someone using drugs or drinking, it's not because of them. He says children need to know: "Even if I spill my milk at the table or don't show enough gratitude for the hokey pair of socks, grownups' substance use is never my fault."